The First Time I approached a Coach

Now that we had been humiliated, reprimanded, and scolded by the coach from “Having a Tea Party on the Field”, here is what happened next…

As I sat on the field next to my daughter, I was trying to cool down from the internal inferno, keep calm, and plan out my talk I was going to have with the coach.  The coach didn’t allow my daughter to play the rest of the game, not even the minimum time set by the league, which was 10 minutes per half.  The coach had crossed the line and our daughter needed an advocate.  7 year old kids don’t need to be abused by coaches like she was.  In fact, no kid does.

Being new to youth sports, I had never approached a coach before and didn’t know what to do or the risks involved.  I knew the parents were wondering what my next move was going to be.  It seemed logical to use a three step approach; 1) bring up the issue in a calm way,  2) listen to coaches apology, and  3)  forgive and move on.  At least that way my kid would see me advocating for her and she would get an apology from the coach. I remember at the team meeting the coach said “If you have a problem, talk to me AFTER the game.”  So that is exactly what I did.

I waited until after the team had cleared out and then asked the coach two questions.  “Do you think my daughter had fun today?”  No answer. “I am confused as to why you think it is ok to talk to my daughter in such a disrespectful way?”  The coach was defensive in her body language and took no responsibility for her actions and just walked away without saying a word; no apology, no explanation.  I learned a hard lesson that day when it comes to approaching coaches.  Things don’t always go as you think they will go (in fact very rarely) and there may be some coach’s retaliation in the future.

The remainder of the season the coach let my seven year old play in the games less than any other player on the team…and yes my kid noticed (UGH – playing time – what a great future topic).  I thought to myself, “How much I hated youth sports and this is just the beginning!”

When my kid is being abused like that, I won’t sit and watch it happen, neither should you.  The kid certainly doesn’t know how to handle being talked to like that;  you need to step up to the plate for them.  You have to remember you only have control over half the situation.  You cannot control how the coach reacts to you, you can only control your part and how you handle it.   In hindsight, the coach looked like a fool the rest of the season, but my daughter and I walked off the field holding our heads up with integrity.  I did my part and that’s all I could do.  What goes around comes around, and it was a matter of time until it came back and knocked her right out of the coaching circuit.

How do you approach difficult coaches?  What techniques have you successfully (or unsuccessfully) used to approach a coach?  I would love to hear your own stories and any tips or tricks you can offer others!